More parody

[matril]

Meh. Nothing great about this particular segment, but I have to get it out of the way to get to the other stuff.


On Utapau

OBI-WAN
(Emerges from pool) Boy, that was weird. You’d almost think the clonetroopers had turned against me or something. Eh, well...I’m hungry. Better head back to Coruscant, nothing but raw meat for dinner here.

Jedi Temple exterior

Bail approaches in speeder, singing along loudly to the music pounding from his radio

BAIL
SHE WILL WEAR YOU OUT! Livin’ the something something...

CLONETROOPER
What are you doing?

BAIL
Er...

CLONETROOPER
Don’t you know that music has been expressly banned by the Chancellor?

BAIL
(Turns off radio, blushing) Er...so what are you doing at the Jedi temple, huh? Answer me that!

A young Jedi appears wearing a T-shirt that reads “Look at me! I’m the director’s son!” He shouts and begins fighting the clonetroopers. Eventually he is shot down and dies very dramatically.

CLONETROOPER
That answer your question, bud?

BAIL
Erm...yeah, I think so. Can I leave now?

CLONETROOPER
Are you going to find any remaining Jedi, rescue them and offer them refuge from the Chancellor, perhaps even forming the beginnings of a rebellion against the government?

BAIL
Nooo...of course not!

CLONETROOPER
Then you’re free to go!

PADME’S APARTMENT

Anakin, still bruised and battered, with the remains of the youngling’s dress-up, gets out of his ship and runs to Padmé. She embraces him, then pulls away.

PADME
Honestly, Anakin! Now you stink of smoke and sweat. Don’t you ever get these robes cleaned?

ANAKIN
No time for that! Got important work to do...people to slaughter...

PADME
Anakin...is there something you’re not telling me?

ANAKIN
Nope.

PADME
Are you sure?

ANAKIN
Nope. Nothing about turning to the Dark Side and pledging myself to Palptine’s evil teachings, no sir!

PADME
Have you ever even tried to lie convincingly?

ANAKIN
Hey, I’d love to stay and chat, but I gotta go. Oh, and if you see Obi-Wan, would you bring him to me so I can – er – give him a present? Yes, that’s right...a present...

PADME
And where will you be?

ANAKIN
Mustafar. It’s a quaint little place...Oceanside cottages, amazing view...boiling volcanic lava...

PADME
Ah.

ANAKIN
All righty then...see ya!

THREEPIO
Is there anything I can do?

PADME
Yeah. Shut your blathering mouth.

THREEPIO
Well, I never!

Bail Organa’s ship

CAPTAIN ANTILLES
Sir, do you ever get the oddest feeling of déjà vu on this ship? Like you’ve been here before? Then been captured, brutally strangled and tossed against a wall like a piece of squeezed-up fruit by an asthmatic man in a black suit?

BAIL
No, can’t say that I have.

ANTILLES
Never mind, then.

BAIL
Let’s find Jedi!

ANTILLES
Do you think that might get us in trouble with the government?

BAIL
Probably. But I’m feeling wildly reckless today. In fact, I was kind of thinking of setting up The Rebellion. I mean, a rebellion. One that will someday be The Rebellion. What do you think?

ANTILLES
If it involves this ship getting captured by an asthmatic man in a black suit, then I have a bad feeling about this.

Comments

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

Don't forget poor Capt. Antilles never gets promoted either!