And it just keeps coming....

[matril]

At the Senate landing platform

ANAKIN
Aren’t you coming?

OBI-WAN
Nah...I gotta get back to the temple, collect some money. Yoda was betting we wouldn’t get back alive.

ANAKIN
Nice. So you’re making me face the politicians all alone?

OBI-WAN
Yup. Heheh. Oh, I mean, it’s an honor or something. Since you saved the day and all.

ANAKIN
Yeah, so I did.

OBI-WAN
What, you’re not going to pretend to be modest and self-effacing?

ANAKIN
Nah.

OBI-WAN
Oh...all right, then.

ANAKIN
And don’t forget all those times I saved your skin!

OBI-WAN
Right. (Under his breath) Arrogant little punk. (Leaves)

PALPATINE
(To Mace and a crowd of adoring Senators) Yes, yes Dooku’s dead, but you really wouldn’t want me to step down as long as that horrid Grievous is around, now would you?

SENATORS
(As one) Of course not.

PALPATINE
Well, then, as long as I keep Grievous alive – I mean – uh – as long as – well, anyway, I really ought to keep my emergency powers...power...(A mad look in his eyes) Unlimited power! Haahahahaa!!!!

SENATORS
(Hypnotic-like) Hahahahaha.

MACE
It’s odd, but something’s just a little off here...I can’t quite put my finger on it…

THREEPIO
(To Artoo) Well, you can’t expect me to say anything important in this movie! It’s not like you’re doing anything of significance. What was that? What do you mean, you had to rescue a bunch of incompetent Jedi from their own idiocy?

ANAKIN
(To Bail) Yeah, Grievous is still out there, so the war – (sees a silhouette with oddly familiar double-buns) Wait a second – uh – I gotta go to the bathroom.

BAIL
What kind of a lame excuse is that?

ANAKIN
You think of a better one, then! (Bails shrugs and wanders off)

Anakin and Padmé embrace; Padmé pulls back and wrinkles her nose

PADME
Anakin, you need a shower or something.

ANAKIN
Well, I have been running up and down corridors in heavy robes. You know, Jedi garb is really unpractical.

PADME
There were rumors that you had been killed.

ANAKIN
The reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.

PAMDE
You’re such a plagiarist. But really, are you sure you’re not dead? Mon Mothma was pretty sure her sources were accurate...

ANAKIN
Yes, I’m pretty sure. Beyond reasonable doubt, anyway. Hey, good thing the Chancellor got kidnapped!

PADME
Huh? Wasn’t he your best buddy or something?

ANAKIN
No, I mean, they wouldn’t have brought me back otherwise. (He dips her and gets ready to give her a great big sloppy kiss)

PADME
Has it occurred to you that we’re in public?

ANAKIN
I’m tired of all this hiding! I don’t care if everyone knows we’re married.

PADME
Well, I do! Don’t be an idiot. I’ll lose my job! Oh, and you’ll probably get kicked out of the Order too.

ANAKIN
Thanks for the consideration. Hey, why’re you trembling?

PADME
I’m not trembling.

ANAKIN
Yes, you are. You like me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.

PADME
I happen to like nice men.

ANAKIN
I’m a nice man.

PADME
No, you’re not, you’re

HAN
Stealing my lines!

LEIA
Mine too! And my hairdo!

ANAKIN
Sorry.

PADME
Something wonderful has happened.

ANAKIN
Really? The war has ended? The Council has decided Jedi can marry after all? The mysterious Sith Lord has renounced his evil ways and embraced a path of peace and enlightenment?

PADME
Er...no. I’m pregnant.

ANAKIN
(Chokes) What?! You’re – I can’t believe it! After all your pledges of undying love, you’ve gotten yourself pregnant? Who is it? I’ll kill him!

PADME
Anakin, you dolt, you’re the father.

ANAKIN
Oh.

A pause

PADME
You know, you really ought to do something about this jealousy problem of yours.

ANAKIN
I do not have a jealousy problem. And I don’t have a problem with rage, or misplaced loyalty, or a lust for power, or arrogance. Nope.

PADME
Right...so, what are we going to do?

ANAKIN
Dunno. You’re the smart one, you figure it out.

PADME
Anakin...

ANAKIN
Hey, how about we squeeze our eyes shut, cover our ears and pretend everything’s just peachy? La la la...

PADME
I have a bad feeling about this...

Space – Grievous flies to Utapau, coughing and hacking
Utapau – Grievous limps to the control room

GRIEVOUS
(Hacks and coughs for about ten minutes. Hologram of Sidious taps foot impatiently) Yes, Lord Sidious?

SIDIOUS
Nothing you do matters. Live, die, hack your guts out, I don’t care.

GRIEVOUS
Uh...thank you, my lord?

SIDIOUS
Were you talking? I wasn’t listening.

GRIEVOUS
So, what about Dooku?

SIDIOUS
Eh? Oh, don’t care. Doesn’t matter. Bigger fish to catch.

QUI-GON’S GHOST
There’s always a bigger fish.

SIDIOUS
Aah! Go away! So anyway, I’ve pretty well got a new apprentice – younger, more powerful, all that – and you’re just a distraction.

GRIEVOUS
Uh...I am honored, my lord?

SIDIOUS
Send the Separatist leaders somewhere ridiculously dangerous, so they know just how much I care about them. Somewhere like, I don’t know, the deadly volcanic planet of Mustafar. Heh heh. Tell them they’ll be “safe.” Heh heh.

GRIEVOUS
(Coughs and hacks for ten minutes) You know, my lord, I get the strangest feeling that you don’t really care about me.

SIDIOUS
(Laughs) Can’t imagine why.

GRIEVOUS
But, since I’d be unemployed without you, and I really need a health plan (coughs and hacks) I’ll stick with you.

SIDIOUS
Smart cyborg.

Coruscant – Padmé’s balcony

PADME
Ani, I want to have our baby back home on Naboo.

ANAKIN
Excuse me, my home is Tatooine, and the last time I went there after ten years my mother died, so I’ll probably never go back, and thank you soooo much for rubbing it in!

PADME
Erm...so how about the Lake Country? No one would know.

ANAKIN
Sure.

PADME
I could even go there early and get the baby’s room ready. I know the perfect place right by the gardens.

ANAKIN
Uh-huh. And hey, as long as we’re in La-La Land, why don’t we talk about the magic place where everything is perfect and lovely and the streets are gold and money falls from the sky?

PADME
I don’t think a place with money falling from the sky would be very safe for our baby.

ANAKIN
Forget it. (He softens abruptly) You’re so beautiful.

PADME
Just wait till my stomach blows up like a balloon.

ANAKIN
Oh, come on...I was trying to be mushy.

PADME
Sorry. Uh...well, it’s only because I’m so in love.

ANAKIN
No, I’m so in love with you.

PADME
No, I’m so in love with you!

ANAKIN
No, I’m more in love!

PADME
No, I am!

ANAKIN
Me!

PADME
Me more!

ANAKIN
Me most!

PADME
Me mostie-mostie!

ANAKIN
Me mostie-mostie-most!

PADME
Oh, gag me. Let’s go to bed.

ANAKIN
Yes!

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