Stuff and such

[matril]

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Just typed up a great big long post, only to press some random button by accident and have it all deleted. And LJ's saved draft? It was the empty box from after it was deleted. :claws wildly at screen:


Well, I was rambling a lot...I don't think I have the energy to do it all again. My first thought was basically ranting about how much I dislike small talk. I understand its social purpose, and I do my best to remain polite when people engage me in it, but sometimes I feel like writing up a card, as I did my sophomore year of college, with answers to all the questions I expected people to ask me. "Where are you from?" "What's your major?" Etc., etc. I planned to thrust it at people and stave off the stale conversation I had endured twenty times already. Ultimately I was too nice to do that to many people....but I'm seriously considering it now. "When's your due date?" "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" "What are you naming him?" Blah. I know it's considered the nice, solicitious thing to say to a pregnant woman - after all, what mother doesn't enjoy blathering on about her baby's vital statistics? But I'd rather explore some new conversational territory. I'm especially tired of well-meaning questions about whether I've heard of the latest theory about autism - of course I have. Just because some talk show or news program is only now getting wind of it doesn't mean I haven't been aware of the immunization theory for oh, about six years now. And I don't want to talk about it, thanks. But then, much as I'd like to slink entirely into the Internet-world where you can talk entirely about what you want, when you want, and never endure small talk, I do acknowledge that small talk and other such conversation skills are an essential aspect of basic social behavior, and if I don't exercise those skills, they'll get atrophied and then I'll really hate small talk. So it's good for me, in an icky medicine kind of way. ;)

The other thing I was blathering about shortly before the Deletion of Doom was how parenting magazines never seem to extend their cozy, coy advice to the realm of bringing up teenagers. As if parenthood just stops suddenly at age twelve. Sheesh, that's when you need advice the most, isn't it? I suppose for a lot of parents adolescence is the time for a very hands-off approach, since your kids are going to be involved with activities and school and their all important peer groups, and it's better if the uncool parents don't bug them too much. That's balderdash, though. I know I was a very unusual teen, but I liked hanging out with my parents. I enjoyed my time at home, or going on family outings or vacations. I didn't think my parents were ultra-cool, but I didn't think I was cool either, so that wasn't an issue. I noticed that my older sister and I were usually the only teens to be seen hanging out with our parents in public, and I just thought that was pretty sad. Oh, I had friends my own age, don't get me wrong, and we hung out together too. I just never went through a "I can't stand to be around my parents" stage. Parenting a teenager, I think, doesn't have to be like navigating a deadly swamp, just waiting for the quicksand to suck you in. Perhaps I will be singing a different tune when my autistic son reaches adolescence....but I really think it's possible for parenting to still be enjoyable even when your children become the strange creatures known as Teenagers. :P

Comments

[sonetka.livejournal.com]

Argh! So sorry about the lost post - I've done that before and just wanted to smack the computer screen.

I hear you on silly pregnancy questions - for some reason, some of the nice old ladies at church were absolutely obsessed with the idea that an eldest son should be named after his father. We didn't want to have a junior - if nothing else because A's family is full of juniors and it's led to a lot of confusion, not to mention his dad's being named after someone he hates and who's also a registered sex offender, which is fun at background-check time. We told them we didn't want a junior, several times. But for some reason, they kept bringing it up - "This might be the only time you're ever pregnant!" Didn't I know it, just. And why that meant we had to name the baby after A, I couldn't tell you.

Sympathies about the "latest autism theory" people (eek, I hope I'm not one of them sometimes!) What I never understand about people who like to tell you the latest news about your particular affliction is what they expect you to *do* about it - fall to your knees and say "If only I'd known! Well, no way is the new baby going to be vaccinated!" I mean, even if it were true, which seems unlikely, what's the point?

[matril.livejournal.com]

Asking about due dates is one thing, but being pushy about names? That's over the line. I mean, when we tell people what we're planning on naming our baby, the only response that's really acceptable is "Oh, that's sweet." Even if they're secretly thinking, "That's the most ridiculous name I've ever heard in my life" the polite answer is pretty much all that happens. There's no real point to asking the question; it's all part of that obligatory small talk thing. But the whole named-after-the-father thing seems to breach a lot of small talk rules. What business is it of theirs, after all?

No, you haven't been one of the latest theory people, don't worry. You're too well informed for that, honestly - it's when someone helpfully brings up something I heard about years ago that I have to restrain rolling my eyes and behave as though I've been duly enlightened. ;) Whenever I'm flipping channels and stumble across a mention of autism, I feel it almost my duty to stop and watch for a bit, but honestly, I'd rather not. I'm tired of feeling identified as Someone Affected by Autism, and if it's just a bunch of sound bytes on a news program, it's not going to help. Ah, well.