At last, the end

[matril]

So with this out of the way, I intend to hunker down and post some heavy-duty fan fic. I just have to write it first. :)


Coruscant
Anakin is carted into the medical center.

ANAKIN
Ow. Would someone please take the trouble to make it stop raining on me? No? It’s really kind of smarting.

Pallas something or other

OBI-WAN
Hey, Bail! Good thing you have a complete military instillation set up here, complete with a medical center. Could we trouble you to help Padmé here?

BAIL
Sure. What’s her problem? I mean, other than being enormously pregnant?

OBI-WAN
Nope, that’s about it. Oh, and her secret husband turned evil, I guess.

Medical center

DROID
Well, she’s perfectly healthy. I mean, other than being enormously pregnant. But she’s going to die anyway.

OBI-WAN
Why?

DROID
Some continuity thing. Anyway, we need to deliver the babies.

BAIL
Pardon me, I think my hearing’s going...I thought you said babies.

DROID
(Sarcastically) Yes, that’s what we call a little person at birth.

BAIL
No, it was the whole plural thing. There’s two?

DROID
Actually, there’s ten! Ha! Just kidding...only two. At least, we’re pretty sure it’s just two. Maybe there’s another one hiding behind them...ha! Fooled you again! Just two.

Coruscant
Anakin is fitted with mechanical limbs and some familiar trappings. He groans and thrashes.

ANAKIN
Hey! Ever heard of morphine? Huh? Cause I’m kind of in a whole lot of pain here!
(He is clothed in the familiar black of Darth Vader and takes that famous breath) Who did that? Oh, that was me. Wow, that’s weird...I can talk and breathe at the same time! Of course I have to live with burnt-up lungs, but hey! It’s all worth it!

Pallas Athena...er, that asteroid place

PADME
Argh! That really hurts! Haven’t you ever heard of an epidural?

OBI-WAN
Aw, it can’t hurt that much.

PADME
(Spits at him) Shut up!

OBI-WAN
I don’t blame Anakin for leaving. Hey, it’s a boy!

PADME
Luke!

OBI-WAN
No, my name’s Obi-Wan.

PADME
The baby, you idiot!

OBI-WAN
Ah...and here’s a girl!

PADME
Leia!

OBI-WAN
Obi-Wan. Say it with me. Obi-Wan.

PADME
Go away.

OBI-WAN
Padmé, why are you dying? Don’t you want to live for the twins, or help save Anakin, or anything?

PADME
It’s this darn continuity. Sorry. But there is still good in him. I’m pretty sure, anyway. (She holds Leia, looks kind, beautiful and sad, then dies.

OBI-WAN
Darn.

Coruscant
PALPATINE
Lord Vader?

VADER
Who are you talking to?

PALPATINE
You! You, Darth Vader!

VADER
Uh...all right, sure.

PALPATINE
So how do you feel?

VADER
Actually, pretty lousy. I mean, they could at least have tried to use some kind of pain medication. Also, where’s Padmé?

PALPATINE
Dead.

VADER
Excuse me?

PALPATINE
Well, I’m pretty sure, anyway. Also, I think it was your fault. Ironic, isn’t it?

VADER
(Machines break) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO – (takes an asthmatic breath) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

PALPATINE
Gee whiz, Vader, couldn’t you have broken something less pricey? This is going to cost a fortune to repair.

VADER
Sorry. But I’m a little peeved. You told me you’d help me save her!

PALPATINE
Well, I’m a politician, aren’t I? We all make promises we can’t keep.

VADER
I need a sphere of solitude to cry in.

Bail’s ship

YODA
Separated, the twins must be.

OBI-WAN
Why?

YODA
Continuity.

OBI-WAN
I’m so tired of that excuse! But it’ll make things interesting, so, why not?

BAIL
I’d awfully like to take the girl.

OBI-WAN
Why? Oh, right...continuity...(grumbles)

YODA
Take the boy to his family, you will, Obi-Wan.

OBI-WAN
What family? Anakin’s mother and Padmé are dead and all. And I don’t think the midichlorians would make very good guardians.

YODA
All right, his step-family!

OBI-WAN
Oh, okay.

Bail leaves.

YODA
Obi-Wan, while a hermit you become, things you must do.

OBI-WAN
Eh?

YODA
Visits, I have had. From an old friend. Returned from the netherworld, he has.

OBI-WAN
Right....(Mumbles) Old coot’s finally gone senile.

YODA
(Raps him with his stick) Senile, I am not! Qui-Gon, it is!

OBI-WAN
Qui-Gon! Really!

QUI-GON’S GHOST
Really.

OBI-WAN
(Falls over) Good grief, don’t do that!!

Naboo
The funeral procession for Padmé. Padmé lies in the casket, clutching the japor snippet. She cracks one eye open, then closes it quickly.

PADME
(Mutters) Darn Jedi make me lie still till my muscles go into spasms!

QUEEN OF NABOO
Did you hear something?

HANDMAIDENS
Nope.

(This scene has been modified to lower the death toll and tears quota. Thank you.)

Bridge of Star Destroyer
Vader, Palpatine and Tarkin at the helm. The Death Star is being constructed.

OFFICER
This scene has no lines!

Alderaan
Bail comes to his wife with baby Leia.

BAIL
This scene also has no lines!

WIFE
Neither do I!

Tatooine
Obi-Wan dismounts eopie and falls on his face. Fortunately, baby Luke is unscathed. He hands him to Beru, who smiles and goes to Owen. Obi-Wan watches them, rubbing his beard.

ALEC GUINESS
Copycat!

OBI-WAN
Why, thank you!

ALEC
Oh. Well, you’re welcome.

BERU
One line in the whole prequel trilogy! “Hello”! I can’t believe it!

OWEN
Well, cheer up. Maybe we’ll get a brave death scene.

BABY LUKE
WAAAAAA!!!!

OWEN
Darn kid ruined the idyllic scene! Well, at least we get to have the final shot.

BERU
Bye!

OWEN
May the Force be with you!

BABY LUKE
WAAAAA!!!

Comments

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

Yay! Nice job!

[matril.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks for reading.