Well, here goes

[matril]

I'm in a goofy mood right now, so I'm going to post the beginning of my ridiculous spoof of Episode III. I've debated in the past whether to put it up, since my sense of humor is uneven at best, but what the heck. I spoofed the movie as I remembered it, so I missed some lines and some entire scenes. That's probably for the best. Lastly, I don't have the slightest clue what proper screenplay formatting is. Don't suppose it matters.


STAR WARS
Episode III ½
Revenge of the Flanneled One

War! There are heroes on both sides! Evil is everywhere! I can’t stop using exclamation points! Help!

In a “bold” move, General Grievous, that droid-cyborg thingy you may have seen in the Clone Wars cartoon, has attacked the capital and “kidnapped” Chancellor Palpatine (psst! It’s all a clever ruse to get Anakin to kill Dooku and progress on the path to the Dark Side!) Two Jedi have been sent on a daring rescue attempt. Hmm...I wonder who those Jedi might be?

Ext. Space (Oh, right above Coruscant, by the way. Oh, and just a side note...in the middle of the coolest space battle you’ve ever seen in your life, so get ready to drool, fanboys!)

Anakin and Obi-Wan’s ships are seen hurtling over a Republic cruiser in the famous “waterfall” shot

OBI-WAN
(Various technical gobbledygook)

ANAKIN
(Replies similarly; then) Hey, there’s the ship where the Chancellor’s being held! The one crawling with vulture droids...

OBI-WAN
I wouldn’t call it crawling so much as creeping, or maybe stalking...

ANAKIN
This is no time for semantics! Oh, the clone guys are having trouble! I’m gonna go back and help them.

OBI-WAN
Like heck you are. And leave me all by myself?

ANAKIN
Er...right. Sorry. Look out, buzz droids!

OBI-WAN
Buzz what? Never heard of those in the last movie.

ANAKIN
Nothing like a war to boost technological growth.

OBI-WAN
Ah.

ANAKIN
I’ll try spinning, that’s a good trick! Er...I mean – various technological gobbledygook.

OBI-WAN
Show-off! Flying is for droids. And Trix are for kids, but that’s neither here nor there. (R4 gets his head pulled off) Rats!

ANAKIN
Here Master, I’ll help you out. (Slices off Obi-Wan’s wing)

OBI-WAN
Thanks a lot. And that helps me how?

ANAKIN
Don’t make fun of me! (Starts crying. Artoo blasts off the buzz droids and gives Obi-Wan an electrical shock)

OBI-WAN
Ow! What was that for?

ARTOO
(Beeps and whistles)

ANAKIN
For the little slur, he says. “Flying is for droids”?

OBI-WAN
Sorry...Anakin, you idiot! The shields are still up!

ANAKIN
(Sniffles) You were always so critical, master...

OBI-WAN
Yeah...but what are you going to do about it, turn to the dark side?

ANAKIN
Hmm...

OBI-WAN
Oh, I have a bad feeling about this!

ANAKIN
No fair! How come you get that line again?

OBI-WAN
I’m just that cool.

Obi-Wan’s ship crashes in the hanger; he leaps out and begins attacking droids. Anakin gets out and joins him. After finishing off the droids, they start toward the door.

ANAKIN
I sense Dooku.

OBI-WAN
Since when did you have a psychic connection with Sith Lords?

ANAKIN
Er...

OBI-WAN
Never mind. I sense a trap.

ANAKIN
Don’t center on your anxieties, Obi-Wan.

OBI-WAN
Excuse me?

ANAKIN
Sorry.

ARTOO
(Whimpers plaintively)

ANAKIN
Stay here, Artoo. Watch the ships. Quit pretending to be helpless; we know what you’ve got hidden under that metal dome.

ARTOO
(Lets out a noise reminiscent of Thbbttt!)

BATTLE DROIDS
Hands up!

ANAKIN
My give up! My give up!

OBI-WAN
Uh, Anakin?

ANAKIN
Sorry, Master. I just can’t stop quoting; it’s contagious. (He slices through the lot of them)

OBI-WAN
The elevator’s not working!

ANAKIN
What did you say?

OBI-WAN
It’s not working. I’d better call Artoo –

ANAKIN
No, I mean – what did you call it?

OBI-WAN
Elevator?

ANAKIN
Hah! And here everyone was trying to come up with complicated techy names like “turbolift” or “high speed levitation compartment.” But no, it’s just plain old “elevator.”

Meanwhile, Artoo has been discovered by the super-duper-deluxe battle droids. They advance upon him, then suddenly he brandishes sixteen different fierce-looking attachments, including a machine gun, a machete, a stick of dynamite, and a glue gun

ARTOO
(In droid speak) SUCKERS!!


Er, that's probably enough for now.

Comments

[sreya.livejournal.com]

*laughing* Hey, I'm finding this cute so far. Particularly Artoo's lines. *grin*