Drabble #10
Nov. 10th, 2006 03:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matril10 drabbles - I'm a third of the way through - yay! This one turned out kind of long, but I don't feel like cutting it back. :P
Brother
------
Leia sat alone in the main hold of the Falcon, fiddling listlessly with the knob of a broken shifter. They had escaped Vader so narrowly it was nothing short of miraculous. And yet she felt no elation. Over and over again she saw Han’s face in her mind, in that moment before he was lowered into the carbon-freezing chamber. For once his expression had been free from his usual sarcastic humor; instead, he looked frankly heroic. She had always hoped him capable of true bravery, but up until then there was enough doubt to keep her back, to hold her feelings at bay.
When she realized he would willingly die for her, for all of them, the words had sprung from her mouth like a revelation, as surprising to her as anyone. I love you. And then he was gone.
She wiped the burning tears from her eyes with a jerky, almost angry motion. Loving Han was not a comfortable or easy sensation right now. She had barely had time to get used to it before he was taken away. If she had any sense, she’d do the reasonable thing, return to the Rebellion and get on with her work, not get tangled up in the messes that love always caused. She ought to. She knew she wouldn’t.
“Leia?” There was a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see Luke, still wrapped in a blanket, his wounded arm tucked close to his chest.
She rose quickly. “What are you doing up? You should be resting until we reach the rendezvous and get you to a decent med-center.”
He smiled thinly. “I’m all right. I’ve gotten enough sleep for now.” He did seem a bit more rested, though his injuries clearly still needed tending. His face abruptly seemed to flicker with shadows. “Besides, I don’t really feel like being alone.”
Leia hugged him, warm sympathy rising up. “Neither do I,” she murmured.
Luke returned the embrace, then sat down gingerly, careful not to jostle the apparatus at the end of his arm. Leia sat beside him and tried not to let her gaze drift toward his arm, tried not to imagine what it felt like to lose a hand. He caught her looking. “It doesn’t hurt too much anymore,” he said bluntly. Leia blanched.
“It’s horrible. What that monster did to you –” Luke looked so pained that she halted mid-sentence. “I’m sorry. We won’t talk about it.”
He didn’t argue. But then he spoke up gently, “He did some horrible things to you too.”
Leia shook her head in surprise. “I was hardly hurt at all.”
The shadows passed over Luke’s face again. “A lost hand isn’t the worst pain that can be inflicted on someone.” He seemed lost somewhere else for a moment, then returned with a wince. He looked at her soberly. “You lost Han. That’s worse.”
Unexpectedly, Luke’s words brought on a fresh rush of tears. She blinked at them furiously, feeling childish, vulnerable. Worse, when she looked blearily at Luke’s face she had to wonder if his somber expression held a trace of envy or hurt. He couldn’t see her response to Han’s loss and remain ignorant of how she felt about him. Would he feel rejected? The thought brought a surge of guilt, but nothing more. She couldn’t feel for Luke the way she felt for Han.
“It’s all right.” He had his arms around her now, but the gesture felt strangely like that of a parent or brother. No resentment or longing. Just sympathy, and a deep affection. “We’ll find him. We’ll bring him back.”
Leia accepted his embrace with deep gratitude, realizing that if she had had any remaining family with her right now, they would be like Luke, quietly accepting and gentle, taking time for her hurts even when suffering their own.
She had lost Han, for now, but not for long, not if she had anything to do about it. And in the meantime, she wasn’t alone.
----
Brother
------
Leia sat alone in the main hold of the Falcon, fiddling listlessly with the knob of a broken shifter. They had escaped Vader so narrowly it was nothing short of miraculous. And yet she felt no elation. Over and over again she saw Han’s face in her mind, in that moment before he was lowered into the carbon-freezing chamber. For once his expression had been free from his usual sarcastic humor; instead, he looked frankly heroic. She had always hoped him capable of true bravery, but up until then there was enough doubt to keep her back, to hold her feelings at bay.
When she realized he would willingly die for her, for all of them, the words had sprung from her mouth like a revelation, as surprising to her as anyone. I love you. And then he was gone.
She wiped the burning tears from her eyes with a jerky, almost angry motion. Loving Han was not a comfortable or easy sensation right now. She had barely had time to get used to it before he was taken away. If she had any sense, she’d do the reasonable thing, return to the Rebellion and get on with her work, not get tangled up in the messes that love always caused. She ought to. She knew she wouldn’t.
“Leia?” There was a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see Luke, still wrapped in a blanket, his wounded arm tucked close to his chest.
She rose quickly. “What are you doing up? You should be resting until we reach the rendezvous and get you to a decent med-center.”
He smiled thinly. “I’m all right. I’ve gotten enough sleep for now.” He did seem a bit more rested, though his injuries clearly still needed tending. His face abruptly seemed to flicker with shadows. “Besides, I don’t really feel like being alone.”
Leia hugged him, warm sympathy rising up. “Neither do I,” she murmured.
Luke returned the embrace, then sat down gingerly, careful not to jostle the apparatus at the end of his arm. Leia sat beside him and tried not to let her gaze drift toward his arm, tried not to imagine what it felt like to lose a hand. He caught her looking. “It doesn’t hurt too much anymore,” he said bluntly. Leia blanched.
“It’s horrible. What that monster did to you –” Luke looked so pained that she halted mid-sentence. “I’m sorry. We won’t talk about it.”
He didn’t argue. But then he spoke up gently, “He did some horrible things to you too.”
Leia shook her head in surprise. “I was hardly hurt at all.”
The shadows passed over Luke’s face again. “A lost hand isn’t the worst pain that can be inflicted on someone.” He seemed lost somewhere else for a moment, then returned with a wince. He looked at her soberly. “You lost Han. That’s worse.”
Unexpectedly, Luke’s words brought on a fresh rush of tears. She blinked at them furiously, feeling childish, vulnerable. Worse, when she looked blearily at Luke’s face she had to wonder if his somber expression held a trace of envy or hurt. He couldn’t see her response to Han’s loss and remain ignorant of how she felt about him. Would he feel rejected? The thought brought a surge of guilt, but nothing more. She couldn’t feel for Luke the way she felt for Han.
“It’s all right.” He had his arms around her now, but the gesture felt strangely like that of a parent or brother. No resentment or longing. Just sympathy, and a deep affection. “We’ll find him. We’ll bring him back.”
Leia accepted his embrace with deep gratitude, realizing that if she had had any remaining family with her right now, they would be like Luke, quietly accepting and gentle, taking time for her hurts even when suffering their own.
She had lost Han, for now, but not for long, not if she had anything to do about it. And in the meantime, she wasn’t alone.
----
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no subject
Date: 2006-11-11 04:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-11 02:55 pm (UTC)