Caring too much

[matril]

This is something that came to my mind from something in fernwithy's excellent fic, Shades. She describes an episode in which Lily Potter feels guilty for being pregnant and unable to contribute to the Order as she used to, and it struck me as so very ironic that she is, in fact, the person more responsible than anyone but Harry himself for the eventual downfall of Voldemort (at least I'm assuming that's how things will turn out in Book 7). Then it got me thinking - did the Potters/Longbottoms know about the prophecy? I could really argue it either way - Dumbledore may have felt they deserved to know why they needed to go into hiding, or he may have felt that knowing about it but not really understanding it, they might do something drastic to make things worse.

I'd prefer to think they didn't know, however. Why? Because there's something more noble, somehow, about Lily giving up her life solely for her son, and not for some grander notion of saving the world through him. A generic sense of heroism, of sacrificing oneself for the good of many, is all very well, but the idea of giving up your life for just one single person, has more meaning to me. "The good of the many outweighs the need of the one" is self-evident, but it takes something deeper to feel that a single individual's life or happiness is something worth every sacrifice to preserve.

It's what Dumbledore feels when he tells Harry that he "simply cared too much." Cared more about Harry's happiness than all the faceless people that might be saved by Voldemort's defeat. It's a flaw, there's no doubt about that, and yet it's hard to fault him for it. Indeed, we might fault him for doing otherwise, for putting the burden on Harry earlier with the hope of preparing/using him to defeat Voldemort. It made me cringe when movie!Dumbledore hinted in GOF that he would let Harry be in danger during the Triwizard Tournament in the hopes of figuring out Voldemort's plans. That's the precise opposite of how canon Dumbledore behaves. You can blame him for not thinking of the greater good, but you certainly can't accuse him of being callous about Harry's well-being.

It's the same virtue/flaw that Luke demonstrates in ESB when he abandons his training on Dagobah to attempt a rescue of his friends on Cloud City. Yoda warns him that he's putting everything of significance in jeopardy when he leaves, that he will destroy "all for which [his friends] have fought and suffered." And he's not exaggerating. If not for Luke's brotherly Force-connection with Leia, he would have either fallen to his death into Bespin's gassy core or, perhaps worse, been captured by Vader in a state so broken and vulnerable that he could very well have turned to the Dark Side, or at the very least have no chance of becoming the Jedi capable of restoring peace to the galaxy. And yet...Luke's intense loyalty to his friends is something we admire. If he had done anything other than fly straight to Bespin and attempt to save them, we would think less of him. He cares, he probably cares too much. But that is the trait that ultimately allows him to reach out to his father and save him.

Lily's sacrifice might have been seen as folly, if admirable folly. What use is a baby's life next to a strong and capable adult in the Order? But she cares too much. She saves Harry. And that act is redemptive. So I believe, if it was for her son and no one else, then it was the most heroic of all sacrifices.

In real life mode, I've been thinking about a mother's concerns a lot lately, since my son has spent the last week out of school thanks to a persistent cough. He's only mildly sick, but they're very picky about keeping contagion away from other students. Sigh. I just feel so incapable of giving him what he needs at home. It's been almost a year since his diagnosis, and though he's made progress in terms of more eye contact, initiating play and such, he's still really not talking any more than he was a year ago. I know I should keep hoping, and I'm trying, but it's so hard when he has to miss yet another day when he could be getting useful therapy. I just want to talk to him. I love him so much, but sometimes I feel like I hardly know him.

Comments

[sonetka.livejournal.com]

It's been succinctly summarized before - "He that gaineth his life shall lose it, he that loseth his life shall gain it." (One of those bits that sounds self-evident until you try to live it - my God, it's HARD. I've grabbed at this life an awful number of times). It doesn't mean they'll necessarily survive the experience, but that they're still doing what's ultimately best for everyone around them, not to mention their own souls. (Of course, Luke had to survive because it was only the second movie :) - I hope Harry survives too, because I'm a sentimentalist that way, but alas I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't).

[matril.livejournal.com]

Yes, I wrote a paper to that effect for Saga Journal. I love that scripture, but I, too, have yet to consistently follow it.

I really, really hope Harry doesn't die...at this point it's hard to say whether he will or not, but a sacrificial death wouldn't be at all out-of-character for him. :(