Being a mother
Aug. 11th, 2006 08:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matrilI've often found myself, as a stay-at-home-mother/homemaker/housewife/or other dreaful names they come up with for what I do, feeling like I need to justify or excuse the peculiar choice of Not Having a Career. Which annoys me, because who do I need to explain my choice to anyway? And yet all sorts of explanations come into my head when someone asks "So do you work?" without any implication of accusation or derision, just a straight-forward, practical question. It makes me bristle, and then I feel silly. But here we go anyway.
In my mind, based on my religous beliefs as well as my personal opinion, there is no way to have a bigger impact on the world than by being a parent. Everything in this world, no matter who they are or what they've done, has parents, and they have been deeply influenced by what their parents did or didn't do. Tied with that fact that I believe the connection between parents and children isn't ultimately severed at death, I really can't see anything being more important than bringing up children. It's a lot more than giving birth and providing basic needs; it's setting an example, teaching, providing simple, unconditional love, making home a place that's comfortable and safe.
So. Thanks to the way our modern world works, there pretty much has to be a division of labor between the parents. Someone needs to be earning the money for those basic physical needs, and someone needs to be watching the children. I don't think it absolutely has to be the father making the money and the mother doing the caretaking, but I do feel (gasp!) that such a division is the ideal. Why? Well, it's NOT because of some medieval notion that men are more capable than women in the workplace, that just because they're on average more physically-endowed, they would have some sort of general superiorty in skill and intelligence. That's obviously nonsense. Either the father or the mother is perfectly qualified to be the money-maker. And fathers can be wonderful caretakers. However...women, in general, have a certain something that gives them the edge in being the primary caretaker. What is it? I don't know, really. It's certainly not a genetic skill for washing dishes or dusting. Housework, in my opinion, falls into the woman's lap for one reason and one reason only: it's at home, and she happens to be at home, and it's convenient for her to do it instead of waiting for the man to come home and take care of it. I really think the only reason women are generally better at housework is from having more practice with it, and being more socialized into it. I despise the idea of a man refusing to touch the dishes, or worse, a woman refusing to let him touch them, because it's "women's work."
But on the other hand, with reference to the actual work of taking care of children, women have something more. I don't know what it is. It's not a superhuman ability to be gentle; I've seen my husband treat my children with as much and more gentleness compared to me. It's very difficult for me to define, and it inevitably becomes interpreted as derogatory toward women. Well, I think part of that misinterpretation comes once more from the medieval notion that men hold the privileged position and women, as mothers and caretakers, the lesser place. Really, I think the place of taking care of children should be envied. Oh, it's not easy by any long-shot, but it can be so much more rewarding and full of twists than so many long days at work. Why is a real "career" considered the place of privilege? Well, as far as I can tell, it's the money. I don't have a career because I don't get paid for what I do. Well, that's the most ridiculous bit of Marxist nonsense. Money is for food and clothing and a solid roof overhead. It's not the point of existence by any stretch. Of course there is much to be said for the less tangible rewards of getting a job done well, of being commended and respected and promoted, and I don't mean to disparage people with careers. Once my children are grown I intend to work in some form or another. But what I'm doing right now, that's the real point. And what my husband is doing is a part of the point as well - he earns money to take care of his family, and then he comes home and does his part as a father. Because yes, the most important thing I can do is be a mother, and the most important thing he can do is be a father.
Well, that's enough violent opinionating for one day.
In my mind, based on my religous beliefs as well as my personal opinion, there is no way to have a bigger impact on the world than by being a parent. Everything in this world, no matter who they are or what they've done, has parents, and they have been deeply influenced by what their parents did or didn't do. Tied with that fact that I believe the connection between parents and children isn't ultimately severed at death, I really can't see anything being more important than bringing up children. It's a lot more than giving birth and providing basic needs; it's setting an example, teaching, providing simple, unconditional love, making home a place that's comfortable and safe.
So. Thanks to the way our modern world works, there pretty much has to be a division of labor between the parents. Someone needs to be earning the money for those basic physical needs, and someone needs to be watching the children. I don't think it absolutely has to be the father making the money and the mother doing the caretaking, but I do feel (gasp!) that such a division is the ideal. Why? Well, it's NOT because of some medieval notion that men are more capable than women in the workplace, that just because they're on average more physically-endowed, they would have some sort of general superiorty in skill and intelligence. That's obviously nonsense. Either the father or the mother is perfectly qualified to be the money-maker. And fathers can be wonderful caretakers. However...women, in general, have a certain something that gives them the edge in being the primary caretaker. What is it? I don't know, really. It's certainly not a genetic skill for washing dishes or dusting. Housework, in my opinion, falls into the woman's lap for one reason and one reason only: it's at home, and she happens to be at home, and it's convenient for her to do it instead of waiting for the man to come home and take care of it. I really think the only reason women are generally better at housework is from having more practice with it, and being more socialized into it. I despise the idea of a man refusing to touch the dishes, or worse, a woman refusing to let him touch them, because it's "women's work."
But on the other hand, with reference to the actual work of taking care of children, women have something more. I don't know what it is. It's not a superhuman ability to be gentle; I've seen my husband treat my children with as much and more gentleness compared to me. It's very difficult for me to define, and it inevitably becomes interpreted as derogatory toward women. Well, I think part of that misinterpretation comes once more from the medieval notion that men hold the privileged position and women, as mothers and caretakers, the lesser place. Really, I think the place of taking care of children should be envied. Oh, it's not easy by any long-shot, but it can be so much more rewarding and full of twists than so many long days at work. Why is a real "career" considered the place of privilege? Well, as far as I can tell, it's the money. I don't have a career because I don't get paid for what I do. Well, that's the most ridiculous bit of Marxist nonsense. Money is for food and clothing and a solid roof overhead. It's not the point of existence by any stretch. Of course there is much to be said for the less tangible rewards of getting a job done well, of being commended and respected and promoted, and I don't mean to disparage people with careers. Once my children are grown I intend to work in some form or another. But what I'm doing right now, that's the real point. And what my husband is doing is a part of the point as well - he earns money to take care of his family, and then he comes home and does his part as a father. Because yes, the most important thing I can do is be a mother, and the most important thing he can do is be a father.
Well, that's enough violent opinionating for one day.
