Happy Birthday, dear Emma....
Apr. 26th, 2006 09:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matril...and why, oh why, did you have the start celebrating your birthday at two in the morning by waking up and screaming for two straight hours? Sigh...I absolutely refused to nurse her back to sleep, because I don't want her thinking she can continue waking up like this and get rewarded for it. My husband thinks I'm being stubborn; I hope I'm being wise. But as sleep-deprived as I am right now, I'm wondering if he was right. Blech. Of course Luke woke up too, and wouldn't go back to sleep unless one of use was with him. He's going to be thoroughly exhausted at pre-school today.
So spotty sleep resulted in a bunch of odd dreams. I dreamt I was visiting Jurassic Park, where some of the dinosaurs resembled giant toy trucks. A scientist said they had acccidently mixed the DNA with some truck formulas. I responded that that was the stupidest thing I ever heard. Also I disapproved of letting a child work the computer systems. Seems I've taken to Deconstructionism in my dreams.
Well, sleep deprivation aside, I'm glad that my baby girl is one year old today.
After having Luke, I figured I knew what to expect with my second pregnancy and delivery. Some things were the same, but of course, as I should have known, plenty was different. I had more energy while pregnant with Luke, even though I was finishing my last year of college at the time. With Emma, I wanted to lie on the couch all day long. For a time I feared Luke's speech delay and other problems had been caused, or at least worsened, by my less than energetic care of him while I was pregnant with Emma. Everyone assured me this was not the case, but I still have guilt about that sometimes. I was tired all the time, and never really got over the "morning sickness" (and afternoon, and night and all day sickness). Still, I was very excited. I had started wanting another child as early as Luke's first birthday - when he was no longer a cuddly little infant and I missed having one. But what with moving from one state to another and insurance issues and all that, he was closer to eighteen months when I got pregnant again. My older sister and I are only fifteen months apart (which means my mom was pregnant just six months after giving birth - yikes!) so I always thought of that as a good distance between siblings. But two years and three months is all right too. And I was exicted to find out it was a girl. Honestly I had expected another boy, for whatever reason, but one of each was good. (Not that we plan to stop with two - we've both come from familes with four children and two seems pretty skimpy to us).
Well, Luke had been born a week early, so I fully expected Emma to be early as well - in fact, we went to visit my family in PA during my seventh month, and I was terrified that I'd go into premature labor while out of state. Turns out I needn't have worried - she was a full week late. When my due date came and went the doctor scheduled me to be induced - on our anniversary, the 27th. Now, spending our anniversary giving birth wouldn't be the worst thing in the world - it had happened to my sister-in-law, and it would make for nice memories. However, I really didn't want to share our anniversary with her birthday - but what could I do? I'm small, they didn't want me going to long past my due date, and I wasn't going to argue.
I went into labor the morning of the 26th. Whew! Emma seemed to decide she wanted to come on her own after all. The contractions were very strong - of course I'd forgotten how painful it was, though I thought I remembered - but they never got regular. The doctor said to come to the hospital anyway, since second children come much faster than first. Luke had taken about 18 hours of labor. But I had an epidural for a good portion of it, and it was really rather pleasant, eating ice chips and relaxing. This time, I got to the hospital and the nurse had me walk around and take a shower and jump on the weirdo birthing ball before finally calling the anesthesiologist (haven't clue how to spell it correctly!). I was a wreck by then. With Luke I'd been numb from the waist down by the time the contractions had been this strong. This was my first time facing pain this bad, unmedicated. And Emma had shoved her feet straight up my rib cage, so that with every contraction I felt like she was going to kick my bones to pieces. The epidural slowly started kicking in, but just an hour after they administered it, Emma was ready to come out. So I was a lot more aware of the pain than I was with Luke. There was much shrieking involved, to put it lightly. The nurse said she could tell I had practiced my breathing exercises, and I figured she must just be trying to placate me, because I was huffing and puffing to the verge of hyperventilating. I also kept saying, "I can't do it." I distinctly remember that, because when you've come that far, you don't have a choice anymore. The baby's coming, and you do it because your body makes you.
And she came. Seven pounds, 9 ounces, 21 inches. Bigger than Luke had been, but she seemed smaller. The labor had gone twice as fast as with Luke, but had felt twice as hard. Both of them, of course, were worth every shriek and grunt. I don't claim any expertise on childbirth, and I'll expect surprises again with the third one, but I can say frome experience that childbirth is agonizing, unbelievable pain, and one of the most transcending experiences a woman can ever have. It's one of life's great contradictions, and I'm so grateful to have done it twice. I hope to do it again. And when I'm screaming by brains out, I hope I still remember that. :)
So spotty sleep resulted in a bunch of odd dreams. I dreamt I was visiting Jurassic Park, where some of the dinosaurs resembled giant toy trucks. A scientist said they had acccidently mixed the DNA with some truck formulas. I responded that that was the stupidest thing I ever heard. Also I disapproved of letting a child work the computer systems. Seems I've taken to Deconstructionism in my dreams.
Well, sleep deprivation aside, I'm glad that my baby girl is one year old today.
After having Luke, I figured I knew what to expect with my second pregnancy and delivery. Some things were the same, but of course, as I should have known, plenty was different. I had more energy while pregnant with Luke, even though I was finishing my last year of college at the time. With Emma, I wanted to lie on the couch all day long. For a time I feared Luke's speech delay and other problems had been caused, or at least worsened, by my less than energetic care of him while I was pregnant with Emma. Everyone assured me this was not the case, but I still have guilt about that sometimes. I was tired all the time, and never really got over the "morning sickness" (and afternoon, and night and all day sickness). Still, I was very excited. I had started wanting another child as early as Luke's first birthday - when he was no longer a cuddly little infant and I missed having one. But what with moving from one state to another and insurance issues and all that, he was closer to eighteen months when I got pregnant again. My older sister and I are only fifteen months apart (which means my mom was pregnant just six months after giving birth - yikes!) so I always thought of that as a good distance between siblings. But two years and three months is all right too. And I was exicted to find out it was a girl. Honestly I had expected another boy, for whatever reason, but one of each was good. (Not that we plan to stop with two - we've both come from familes with four children and two seems pretty skimpy to us).
Well, Luke had been born a week early, so I fully expected Emma to be early as well - in fact, we went to visit my family in PA during my seventh month, and I was terrified that I'd go into premature labor while out of state. Turns out I needn't have worried - she was a full week late. When my due date came and went the doctor scheduled me to be induced - on our anniversary, the 27th. Now, spending our anniversary giving birth wouldn't be the worst thing in the world - it had happened to my sister-in-law, and it would make for nice memories. However, I really didn't want to share our anniversary with her birthday - but what could I do? I'm small, they didn't want me going to long past my due date, and I wasn't going to argue.
I went into labor the morning of the 26th. Whew! Emma seemed to decide she wanted to come on her own after all. The contractions were very strong - of course I'd forgotten how painful it was, though I thought I remembered - but they never got regular. The doctor said to come to the hospital anyway, since second children come much faster than first. Luke had taken about 18 hours of labor. But I had an epidural for a good portion of it, and it was really rather pleasant, eating ice chips and relaxing. This time, I got to the hospital and the nurse had me walk around and take a shower and jump on the weirdo birthing ball before finally calling the anesthesiologist (haven't clue how to spell it correctly!). I was a wreck by then. With Luke I'd been numb from the waist down by the time the contractions had been this strong. This was my first time facing pain this bad, unmedicated. And Emma had shoved her feet straight up my rib cage, so that with every contraction I felt like she was going to kick my bones to pieces. The epidural slowly started kicking in, but just an hour after they administered it, Emma was ready to come out. So I was a lot more aware of the pain than I was with Luke. There was much shrieking involved, to put it lightly. The nurse said she could tell I had practiced my breathing exercises, and I figured she must just be trying to placate me, because I was huffing and puffing to the verge of hyperventilating. I also kept saying, "I can't do it." I distinctly remember that, because when you've come that far, you don't have a choice anymore. The baby's coming, and you do it because your body makes you.
And she came. Seven pounds, 9 ounces, 21 inches. Bigger than Luke had been, but she seemed smaller. The labor had gone twice as fast as with Luke, but had felt twice as hard. Both of them, of course, were worth every shriek and grunt. I don't claim any expertise on childbirth, and I'll expect surprises again with the third one, but I can say frome experience that childbirth is agonizing, unbelievable pain, and one of the most transcending experiences a woman can ever have. It's one of life's great contradictions, and I'm so grateful to have done it twice. I hope to do it again. And when I'm screaming by brains out, I hope I still remember that. :)
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Date: 2006-04-27 02:40 am (UTC)And I know what you mean about wanting a cuddly little infant - I've got a fair amount of that; sometimes I look at Daniel and think "Thtois kid is HUGE! What happened to my little vermilion infant?" Oh well - at least we have him, and that's a lot.
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Date: 2006-04-27 02:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 09:28 pm (UTC)