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matrilI'm going to take a rare break from Star Wars or motherhood related topics (don't worry; it won't last long ;) to explore something quite different: addiction. I've had the interesting experience of being asked to help with some addiction recovery groups that my church runs, and the involvement has been highly illuminating. I feel like anyone who hasn't encountered addiction, either themselves or by knowing an addict, probably has a lot of misconceptions about what it really is and what it means for the addict. I know I certainly did. Here's just a few things I've learned. All of this is, of course, just my own personal observations and nothing remotely professional or official.
1. Addictive behavior is really, truly, out of the addict's control. Their initial use is probably a matter of choice, but once addiction sets in, there is no amount of will power in the world that can make them abstain. It's a physiological fact. The brain creates shortcuts for habitual behaviors, causing you to perform tasks with hardly any conscious thought. This is very useful for benevolent things like brushing your teeth every morning, but for something pernicious, it's terrifying. And of course much stronger than the mild compulsion that has you reaching for your toothbrush, since the quick-fix rush the brain is craving is infinitely more compelling.
2. With a little digging, you can almost always find some deeper need behind the addiction. We all have gaps in our lives, holes that we are seeking to fill. Loneliness, grief, fear, inadequacy, loss, stress, even boredom. If we're lucky, we can find healthy answers to those problems, long-term solutions that last even if they don't provide an immediate quick-fix cure. If we're not so lucky, we find something unhealthy that puts a Band-Aid over the wound while it festers underneath. It's usually not until the addiction becomes a worse problem than the original need that addicts begin to seek recovery. But that need is always there, and much as their addiction can make their behavior monstrous and unacceptable, it's important to keep in mind that they are probably a person in tremendous pain. It's not a simple matter of just getting out of the gutter because, as Russell Brand writes here, "The gutter is within."
3. Thanks to those ever-present needs and the challenge of finding healthy long-term solutions, almost anything can become an addiction if it's used in an unhealthy way. It's easy to pinpoint a drug addict, maybe an alcoholic, but chemical addictions are only one manifestation. If a behavior is being used obsessively as a form of self-medication; if it's destroying a person's ability to function, if the idea of stopping it seems unbearable - those are all the signs of full-blown addiction. Don't dismiss them just because they're not caused by external chemicals. The brain produces plenty of quick-fix, bliss-inducing chemicals on its own. If seeking the production of those chemicals, through whatever means, becomes overused and compulsive, the addiction is no less valid just because it wasn't caused by injecting drugs into your veins.
4. The more unusual addictions can really make recovery complicated. If you don't want to be addicted to drugs, then you need to stop taking drugs, period. But what if you're addicted to overeating? Or to starving yourself? You can't give up food. Can you imagine how difficult it must be to kick an eating disorder when a simple plate of food is a trigger for your addiction? An alcoholic can avoid bars (though I would argue that with drinking culture such an omnipresent part of society, it's pretty darn hard for alcoholics too) but an overeater can't avoid food. If you're addicted to television or your cellphone, do you just cut yourself off from modern media altogether? Not super realistic in this day and age. You need to find some new, healthy way to approach the object of your addiction with moderation and reasonable usage.
5. Twelve-step programs can really work, even for non-believers. This needs a few qualifiers. They don't work if the addict isn't invested (and certainly not if they're being forced to participate!) They don't work if the addict doesn't put in the consistent effort required of them. And relapses are very common; they're not a sign of complete failure, just indicators that it's a process, not a one-time fix. Of course it's not - quick-fixes are the very thing you're learning to let go of! You dig into the root of the problem, the real cause of your pain, and seek healing. The higher power component is very important because from the start you're acknowledging that you can't kick this thing on your own. What you acknowledge as a higher power can vary from person to person. Check out this moving article from Roger Ebert, a professed recovering alcoholic. He explains, "The important thing is that you don't consider yourself to be your own Higher Power, because your own best thinking found your bottom for you. One sweet lady said her higher power was a radiator in the Mustard Seed, 'because when I see it, I know I'm sober.'" Whatever works for you, as long as you acknowledge that you need help from something more than yourself.
6. Recovery is a lifelong pursuit. The hard thing about addiction is, after years and years of sobriety, you could easily relapse if you picked up even once. The brain chemistry is just that strong. There's also a lot of evidence that some people are more genetically inclined toward addiction than others. If that's so, and if you've ever struggled with any kind of addiction, then you need to be very mindful of your weakness. Know your triggers and avoid them as much as possible. Have a ready arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms so you turn to them instead whenever painful circumstances crop up. The main part of recovery is like chopping down an enormous tree-like weed, digging up its roots and eradicating every last trace of it. But the weeds will start growing again. You just learn to pluck them up while they're only little green shoots, weeding your garden every day. One day at a time.
1. Addictive behavior is really, truly, out of the addict's control. Their initial use is probably a matter of choice, but once addiction sets in, there is no amount of will power in the world that can make them abstain. It's a physiological fact. The brain creates shortcuts for habitual behaviors, causing you to perform tasks with hardly any conscious thought. This is very useful for benevolent things like brushing your teeth every morning, but for something pernicious, it's terrifying. And of course much stronger than the mild compulsion that has you reaching for your toothbrush, since the quick-fix rush the brain is craving is infinitely more compelling.
2. With a little digging, you can almost always find some deeper need behind the addiction. We all have gaps in our lives, holes that we are seeking to fill. Loneliness, grief, fear, inadequacy, loss, stress, even boredom. If we're lucky, we can find healthy answers to those problems, long-term solutions that last even if they don't provide an immediate quick-fix cure. If we're not so lucky, we find something unhealthy that puts a Band-Aid over the wound while it festers underneath. It's usually not until the addiction becomes a worse problem than the original need that addicts begin to seek recovery. But that need is always there, and much as their addiction can make their behavior monstrous and unacceptable, it's important to keep in mind that they are probably a person in tremendous pain. It's not a simple matter of just getting out of the gutter because, as Russell Brand writes here, "The gutter is within."
3. Thanks to those ever-present needs and the challenge of finding healthy long-term solutions, almost anything can become an addiction if it's used in an unhealthy way. It's easy to pinpoint a drug addict, maybe an alcoholic, but chemical addictions are only one manifestation. If a behavior is being used obsessively as a form of self-medication; if it's destroying a person's ability to function, if the idea of stopping it seems unbearable - those are all the signs of full-blown addiction. Don't dismiss them just because they're not caused by external chemicals. The brain produces plenty of quick-fix, bliss-inducing chemicals on its own. If seeking the production of those chemicals, through whatever means, becomes overused and compulsive, the addiction is no less valid just because it wasn't caused by injecting drugs into your veins.
4. The more unusual addictions can really make recovery complicated. If you don't want to be addicted to drugs, then you need to stop taking drugs, period. But what if you're addicted to overeating? Or to starving yourself? You can't give up food. Can you imagine how difficult it must be to kick an eating disorder when a simple plate of food is a trigger for your addiction? An alcoholic can avoid bars (though I would argue that with drinking culture such an omnipresent part of society, it's pretty darn hard for alcoholics too) but an overeater can't avoid food. If you're addicted to television or your cellphone, do you just cut yourself off from modern media altogether? Not super realistic in this day and age. You need to find some new, healthy way to approach the object of your addiction with moderation and reasonable usage.
5. Twelve-step programs can really work, even for non-believers. This needs a few qualifiers. They don't work if the addict isn't invested (and certainly not if they're being forced to participate!) They don't work if the addict doesn't put in the consistent effort required of them. And relapses are very common; they're not a sign of complete failure, just indicators that it's a process, not a one-time fix. Of course it's not - quick-fixes are the very thing you're learning to let go of! You dig into the root of the problem, the real cause of your pain, and seek healing. The higher power component is very important because from the start you're acknowledging that you can't kick this thing on your own. What you acknowledge as a higher power can vary from person to person. Check out this moving article from Roger Ebert, a professed recovering alcoholic. He explains, "The important thing is that you don't consider yourself to be your own Higher Power, because your own best thinking found your bottom for you. One sweet lady said her higher power was a radiator in the Mustard Seed, 'because when I see it, I know I'm sober.'" Whatever works for you, as long as you acknowledge that you need help from something more than yourself.
6. Recovery is a lifelong pursuit. The hard thing about addiction is, after years and years of sobriety, you could easily relapse if you picked up even once. The brain chemistry is just that strong. There's also a lot of evidence that some people are more genetically inclined toward addiction than others. If that's so, and if you've ever struggled with any kind of addiction, then you need to be very mindful of your weakness. Know your triggers and avoid them as much as possible. Have a ready arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms so you turn to them instead whenever painful circumstances crop up. The main part of recovery is like chopping down an enormous tree-like weed, digging up its roots and eradicating every last trace of it. But the weeds will start growing again. You just learn to pluck them up while they're only little green shoots, weeding your garden every day. One day at a time.
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