matril: (Default)
...and why, oh why, did you have the start celebrating your birthday at two in the morning by waking up and screaming for two straight hours? Sigh...I absolutely refused to nurse her back to sleep, because I don't want her thinking she can continue waking up like this and get rewarded for it. My husband thinks I'm being stubborn; I hope I'm being wise. But as sleep-deprived as I am right now, I'm wondering if he was right. Blech. Of course Luke woke up too, and wouldn't go back to sleep unless one of use was with him. He's going to be thoroughly exhausted at pre-school today.

So spotty sleep resulted in a bunch of odd dreams. I dreamt I was visiting Jurassic Park, where some of the dinosaurs resembled giant toy trucks. A scientist said they had acccidently mixed the DNA with some truck formulas. I responded that that was the stupidest thing I ever heard. Also I disapproved of letting a child work the computer systems. Seems I've taken to Deconstructionism in my dreams.

Well, sleep deprivation aside, I'm glad that my baby girl is one year old today.
Waxing nostalgic )
matril: (Default)
I've had these lyrics from Children of Eden running through my head a lot lately:

I used to think it was
The spark of creation
Or was it just a defect in me?
A flaw in my nature?
And now look what I've done
I've passed it to my son...


So I was thinking... )
matril: (Default)
Because if they weren't, it would be really hard to keep being patient with them. As it is, I'm barely containing my frustrations. Emma will be a year old at the end of the month. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO WAKE UP TO FEED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT ANYMORE. Yeah, I'm a little sleep deprived. She wakes up screaming at 1:00 and absolutely refuses to calm down unless I feed her. I know she doesn't need it at her age; Luke didn't when he was one. In fact, he pretty well weaned himself. I should have known I wouldn't get so lucky with every child. Emma is definitely going to fight being weaned. But I'm exhausted. I can't go that much longer if I want to maintain any semblance of sanity.

But on the other hand...she took her first step yesterday! Absolutely adorable, lunging forward and then immediately falling to her knees again, because after all, crawling's so much easier. You see I just can't stay angry at her. That's how she gets away with so much.

And Luke...simultaneously going through the usual stubbornness of a three-year-old and the frustrations of being autistic. So not only does he want his breakfast a very particular way, but he wants to do it himself and yet can't communicate any of the particulars because of his language delay. It's hard to keep my sympathy and compassion going when his ear-piercing shriek makes me want to tape his mouth shut. Yet...there he goes, singing "Row Row Row your Boat" without knowing any real words but getting the notes exactly right, and charming me so much I can't stay mad. Lucky for both of us. If only there were a language made up of musical notes; he could be fluent in it.

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