Almost forgot about this thing...

[matril]

This parody is pretty close to the end, so I'll finish it off as quick as possible and get on to something else, like maybe something serious. ;)

Obi-Wan and Yoda are on the ship with Bail.

OBI-WAN
So every one of the clonetroopers went bananas?

BAIL
Well, I think they were supposed to kill the Jedi, but something went a bit askew – I think it was something to do with joke manuals.

YODA
Heheh – told you, I did! A great prankster am I!

BAIL
Well, in any case most of the Jedi went back to Coruscant and have since met a fiery death. There was this message, see –

OBI-WAN
And they believed it? Boy, how thick can you get? (They reach a door marked ‘Pull’ and he starts pushing against it with all his might) What is wrong with this thing?

YODA
(Rolls eyes) Change the message we must. If dumber than Obi-Wan, these Jedi are, in grave trouble, they will be.

OBI-WAN
Hey!

In the cockpit
HOLOGRAM OF FAT BLUE GUY (No, not George Lucas, the other fat blue guy!)
You’re to report to the Senate immediately. The Emper – er, Chancellor – wants to tell you guys something.

BAIL
(Suspiciously) It wouldn’t have anything to do with making himself Emperor, now would it?

FAT BLUE GUY
You’re in no position to be suspicious, buddy – we know about your music. Oh, and who’re those two guys sitting next to you? Those aren’t Jedi, are they?

BAIL
(Hastily blocking Yoda and Obi-Wan from view) No, no, of course not! (Hologram vanishes) Whew! That was close.

OBI-WAN
It’s a trap!

YODA
Think everything is a trap, you do!

OBI-WAN
Which is why I’m still alive.

YODA
Quit stealing lines, you will! Go to the Senate session, you will, Bail! Sneak into the Jedi temple, Obi-Wan will!

OBI-WAN
And what about you?

YODA
A few pranks up my sleeve, I still have...heheheh...

Mustafar
Anakin enters the war room. The various rubes look up, excited.

NUTE GUNRAY
Lord Vader! (Anakin looks around for who he could be talking to, bewildered) Lord Sidious told us you would be coming, in a scene no one bothered to write! He said you would take care of us, and then he cackled evilly...I can’t imagine why...

Anakin says nothing, instead lowering the doors just as a clonetrooper enters, so he bonks his head on the door and falls unconscious. Ominous music follows.

Senate Chamber
BAIL
What’s going on?

PAMDE
(Yawning) The Chancellor has just been telling his life story...he’s been at it for about three hours now, and he’s only reached middle school...

PALPATINE
And then, just when I thought maybe hitting puberty would help me rise out of the crowd of losers and gain real popularity – (He pauses dramatically) – acne struck. Oh, the ignominy! (Most of the Senate moans in sympathy, hanging on his every word) There wasn’t a cream or rinse that could get rid of it...

PADME
Think he’ll be done before next week?

BAIL
Doubt it.

Mustafar
Anakin mimes as if to slash, stab, dismember and decapitate with great glee. His would-be victims run around, cower, wet their pants and finally faint from terror. He frowns.

ANAKIN
Well, that takes all the fun out of it! (Nute remains standing, pleading)

NUTE
Lord Vader!

ANAKIN
Eh? Who’re you talking to?

NUTE
Aren’t you Lord Vader?

ANAKIN
I’m a person and my name is Anakin!

NUTE
Then I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake!

ANAKIN
Mistake? That’s all I am, a mistake? How could you! (He bursts into tears) Just because Mom wasn’t expecting me...doesn’t mean she didn’t want me...oh, the humanity!

NUTE
(Comfortingly) Now, now, it’s all right…I didn’t mean it, Anakin...Anakin...wait a second. Anakin? Anakin???!!!! You’re the punk kid who blew up our control ship and ruined our war on Naboo! You little upstart would-be pilot – I’ll kill you! (He lunges at Anakin, who lifts his saber in alarm and immediately slices him in two)

ANAKIN
Pity...I was just starting to like him.