matril

JEDI TEMPLE ENTRANCE

Anakin and a huge block of clonetroopers approach. Anakin marches at the head, looking grim. Abruptly, he trips and falls head over heels. The clonetroopers continue marching over him

ANAKIN
Hey! Hey, stop that! Ow! Hey, it’s me under here! Remember, the guy you’re supposed to take orders from? Huh? Ow!!

VARIOUS PLANETS WITH JEDI

PALATINE’S HOLOGRAM
Execute order 666.

CLONETROOPER #1
Ooo...really subtle choice of numbers, sir!

PALPATINE
Just get on with it!

CLONETROOPER #1
Wait a second...let me get out my manual...ah, here we are. Order – 666, was it? “Take off your helmet and beat it like a bongo drum.” Hmm...weird...but after all, I am supposed to follow orders unquestioningly...so here goes...

PALPATINE
No, you fool! Someone must have switched manuals!

CLONETROOPER #1
(Unable to hear under the bongo beat) This is pretty fun!

CLONETROOPER #2
Order 666? Okay...let’s see... “Ride another clonetrooper piggy-back until he collapses in exhaustion.” Cool!

CLONETROOPER #3
Order 666. “Dance a tango with the nearest Jedi.” Well, that’ll be Aayla Secura...looks like this is my lucky day!

All across the planets, the Jedi are noting the weird behavior of the Clonetroopers and becoming very bewildered. Finally, they all leave in disgust and head back for Coruscant.

On Kashyyk
Yoda, Chewie and Tarfful watch the battle from their perch

YODA
A bit of indigestion I felt, just now...peculiar, this is...(Two clonetroopers come from behind, brandishing the large “Kick-me” signs they have been instructed to place on a Jedi’s back as per their version of Order 666. Yoda frowns, turns and pins the signs to their backs in a lightning motion. He then proceeds to kick them until they fall unconscious) Heheh! Kick you, you say? Kick you, I will! Mmmm!! (He leaps onto Chewie’s back, at the same moment snatching one of the signs and attaching it to Tarful’s back) Heheh...a clever prankster, I am!

On Utapau

OBI-WAN
(Sees clonetroopers approaching menacingly) Hey, guys! Watcha doing? Hey, why are you pointing your blasters at me? Hey! Hey! (He trips on a nearby rock and plummets into the water) Heyyyy!!!

Jedi Council Chamber

Anakin enters, looking extremely bruised and battered. A youngling emerges from behind a chair and speaks in an irresistibly adorable voice.

YOUNGLING #1
Master? How come you’re all purple?

ANAKIN
(Grunts painfully) I’m gonna rest here for a bit, ‘kay? Don’t...feel so good...(He crashes to the ground)

The younglings come out curiously. Another youngling speaks, equally adorable

YOUNGLING #2
Is he dead?

YOUNGLING #1
Nah, just sleeping. Hey, let’s play dress up!

YOUNGLING #2
Yeah! (They proceed to dress Anakin in various items of female garb and paint his face in the most embarrassing manner possible)

Padmé’s apatment

Padmé watches the smoke rise from the Jedi temple, looking frankly bored. Threepio approaches

THREEPIO
So they were saying Master Anakin was last seen in the temple.

PAMDE
Really?

THREEPIO
Er..doesn’t that scare you just a tad?

PADME
(Yawns) I’m sorry, were you saying something?

THREEPIO
Um...the temple’s burning, Miss Padmé.

PADME
(Laughs) Don’t be silly! They’re just having a barbeque.

THREEPIO
Are you sure? I mean, I only have about four scenes in this whole movie – I’d like at least one of them to have some emotional impact.

PADME
Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s right here on the Jedi calendar. “Third of March, barbeque in the council chamber.”

THREEPIO
Today’s the second of March.

PADME
Ah, crud.