Breathe, part three
Sep. 11th, 2006 10:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matrilOn the way back to Coruscant, Anakin slept. He knew sleep would bring the nightmare again, but he was too exhausted to stay awake, too heartsick to sit alone in his chair with nothing to keep him company but thoughts of the family he left behind. So he slept.
And was engulfed in blackness, drowning, gasping, clutching for anything to save him from whatever was blocking his breathing, from his unknown enemy, from himself.
Anakin awoke in a sweat that clung icily to his skin, his chest heaving frantically for air as if the suffocation had been real. He panted until he was light-headed and realized he had to either calm down or pass out.
It was worse every time, the fear more intense, the danger more tangible. He couldn’t keep it up. He had to find an answer or a way out. Who could offer it? Obi-Wan? No, his old master had already taught him everything he knew; he no longer held the place of wise one in Anakin’s mind.
Yoda, perhaps. Yoda could be kind, even understanding in his wisdom, though since Anakin’s ascension to knighthood the Jedi Master seemed to expect more of him, tolerate fewer shortcomings. He may even tell Anakin he was entirely to blame for his own nightmares, for letting his fears get the better of him.
Anakin shook his head as if to chide himself. No, Yoda would not be so critical as that. He would know what to do. He was supposed to know.
--
As it turned out, Anakin did not have the leisure to look for Yoda when he arrived on Coruscant. There was a messenger waiting for him on the landing platform – a summons to the Jedi Council. He took a transport there with a feeling of increasing anxiety – had they sent for him in order to reprimand his lateness, to demand an explanation? But when he arrived at the Temple and was immediately greeted by Obi-Wan, his former master’s face told him it was something else entirely. Obi-Wan’s eyes were grave and distracted.
“I thought you ought to know what’s happened before you see the entire Council,” he said somberly, and they began walking down the hallway together.
“Is it more trouble with the war?” Anakin asked.
“No, not directly, though it will, of course, affect everything.” Obi-Wan sighed. “The provisional chancellor has stepped down with no apparent successor; he simply could not handle the strain and no one else was willing to try.”
A heavy weight settled somewhere in Anakin’s gut. “I was afraid of this. No one else is near as capable as Palpatine was.”
“Yes, well, now we have an idea why,” Obi-Wan said quietly. Anakin looked at him, eyebrows raised.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Obi-Wan replied reluctantly, “that since his death all his records have been examined – at least, those which allowed access, which means only a small fraction of them. But a look through those has been sufficient to reveal that Palpatine’s political prowess was largely enhanced by a vast collection of –” His eyes strayed toward Anakin, he seemed to alter his intent, and then he finished lamely, “Helpers.”
“Helpers?”
Obi-Wan frowned and shook his head. “I ought to be straight with you. Spies. Informants. In every faction, on every planet of the Republic, even some outside the Republic.”
Anakin twitched a bit uncomfortably. “Spies – that’s a ugly word for it. But he wasn’t really doing anything wrong, was he? If it helped his work in protecting the Republic – in fighting the war –”
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said sharply, “whatever word you use for it, the Council was more than a little uneasy to learn that Palpatine was not being honest and open with the Senate, or with the Jedi.” He glanced at Anakin hesitantly. “You ought to know that they intend to question you about your friendship with the Chancellor.”
“What!” Anakin looked at him, outraged. “They think I was his spy?”
“The Council does not immediately jump to conclusions,” Obi-Wan said firmly. “They are not accusing you of anything. But you were closer to him than anyone else, as far as we can tell. This, unfortunately, makes you suspect.”
“I can’t believe this,” Anakin raged. “I would never spy on the Jedi for anyone – and the Chancellor would never have asked me to,” he said pointedly.
“Of course not,” Obi-Wan nodded. “I’m on your side, Anakin. Just tell them the truth and there will be no trouble.” He gave him a sidelong look. “But I knew that you would react this way to suspicions of spying. That’s why I wanted to talk to you alone first.”
Anakin was silent. His thoughts swirled about dizzily, from the unsettling revelations about his old friend, to the Council’s unfair assumptions. He was grateful to Obi-Wan for preparing him beforehand, but a part of him resented his old master’s careful behavior – treating him as though he were a detonator about to go off.
At the entrance to the Council Chamber, Obi-Wan put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “I’d better go in first,” he said. “Try to – compose yourself a bit, all right?” His face altered oddly. “By the way, how did it go on Naboo?”
Anakin’s throat constricted. “It – it could have been worse,” he said stiffly.
“Well, that’s good, in any case.” Obi-Wan smiled and turned to enter the chamber.
For a few moments, Anakin waited, breathing hard. There were quiet voices speaking within. He glowered, imagining what they must be saying about him. Then he entered.
And was engulfed in blackness, drowning, gasping, clutching for anything to save him from whatever was blocking his breathing, from his unknown enemy, from himself.
Anakin awoke in a sweat that clung icily to his skin, his chest heaving frantically for air as if the suffocation had been real. He panted until he was light-headed and realized he had to either calm down or pass out.
It was worse every time, the fear more intense, the danger more tangible. He couldn’t keep it up. He had to find an answer or a way out. Who could offer it? Obi-Wan? No, his old master had already taught him everything he knew; he no longer held the place of wise one in Anakin’s mind.
Yoda, perhaps. Yoda could be kind, even understanding in his wisdom, though since Anakin’s ascension to knighthood the Jedi Master seemed to expect more of him, tolerate fewer shortcomings. He may even tell Anakin he was entirely to blame for his own nightmares, for letting his fears get the better of him.
Anakin shook his head as if to chide himself. No, Yoda would not be so critical as that. He would know what to do. He was supposed to know.
--
As it turned out, Anakin did not have the leisure to look for Yoda when he arrived on Coruscant. There was a messenger waiting for him on the landing platform – a summons to the Jedi Council. He took a transport there with a feeling of increasing anxiety – had they sent for him in order to reprimand his lateness, to demand an explanation? But when he arrived at the Temple and was immediately greeted by Obi-Wan, his former master’s face told him it was something else entirely. Obi-Wan’s eyes were grave and distracted.
“I thought you ought to know what’s happened before you see the entire Council,” he said somberly, and they began walking down the hallway together.
“Is it more trouble with the war?” Anakin asked.
“No, not directly, though it will, of course, affect everything.” Obi-Wan sighed. “The provisional chancellor has stepped down with no apparent successor; he simply could not handle the strain and no one else was willing to try.”
A heavy weight settled somewhere in Anakin’s gut. “I was afraid of this. No one else is near as capable as Palpatine was.”
“Yes, well, now we have an idea why,” Obi-Wan said quietly. Anakin looked at him, eyebrows raised.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Obi-Wan replied reluctantly, “that since his death all his records have been examined – at least, those which allowed access, which means only a small fraction of them. But a look through those has been sufficient to reveal that Palpatine’s political prowess was largely enhanced by a vast collection of –” His eyes strayed toward Anakin, he seemed to alter his intent, and then he finished lamely, “Helpers.”
“Helpers?”
Obi-Wan frowned and shook his head. “I ought to be straight with you. Spies. Informants. In every faction, on every planet of the Republic, even some outside the Republic.”
Anakin twitched a bit uncomfortably. “Spies – that’s a ugly word for it. But he wasn’t really doing anything wrong, was he? If it helped his work in protecting the Republic – in fighting the war –”
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said sharply, “whatever word you use for it, the Council was more than a little uneasy to learn that Palpatine was not being honest and open with the Senate, or with the Jedi.” He glanced at Anakin hesitantly. “You ought to know that they intend to question you about your friendship with the Chancellor.”
“What!” Anakin looked at him, outraged. “They think I was his spy?”
“The Council does not immediately jump to conclusions,” Obi-Wan said firmly. “They are not accusing you of anything. But you were closer to him than anyone else, as far as we can tell. This, unfortunately, makes you suspect.”
“I can’t believe this,” Anakin raged. “I would never spy on the Jedi for anyone – and the Chancellor would never have asked me to,” he said pointedly.
“Of course not,” Obi-Wan nodded. “I’m on your side, Anakin. Just tell them the truth and there will be no trouble.” He gave him a sidelong look. “But I knew that you would react this way to suspicions of spying. That’s why I wanted to talk to you alone first.”
Anakin was silent. His thoughts swirled about dizzily, from the unsettling revelations about his old friend, to the Council’s unfair assumptions. He was grateful to Obi-Wan for preparing him beforehand, but a part of him resented his old master’s careful behavior – treating him as though he were a detonator about to go off.
At the entrance to the Council Chamber, Obi-Wan put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “I’d better go in first,” he said. “Try to – compose yourself a bit, all right?” His face altered oddly. “By the way, how did it go on Naboo?”
Anakin’s throat constricted. “It – it could have been worse,” he said stiffly.
“Well, that’s good, in any case.” Obi-Wan smiled and turned to enter the chamber.
For a few moments, Anakin waited, breathing hard. There were quiet voices speaking within. He glowered, imagining what they must be saying about him. Then he entered.
