Ah, the good (or embarrassing) old days...

[matril]

I was looking at my old posts of fan fiction for stuff worth saving onto the computer - what with moving through three states, getting married, switching around computers and what-have-you, I've lost a lot of old files. A lot of it's not worth saving - overly-sappy Anakin/Padmé stuff that doesn't fit canon anymore; bits of schlock that remind me I've improved as a writer in the last five or so years...but I figured I should at least have my own copy of Another Point of View, seeing as how it's my Big Long Epic. Even there I'm finding examples of some pretty horrible writing, but on the other hand I was pretty good at getting inside of Jar Jar's head - it makes me want to attack my Episode III/OT Jar Jar fic that I haven't touched in a while. However, more embarrassing than the writing was my comments alongside the story. I begged and pleaded for people to read and respond; I was absolutely pathetic. An actual quote from my 19-year-old self:

I'm so glad to see people reading this! I'm afraid I'm terribly insecure, and this has lessened that a great deal.

Ugh. So I was depending on my readers to fix a severe self-esteem problem? No wonder people hesitated to give any constructive criticism. ;) I hope I've grown up a little since then.

Now, someone please, please respond! I don't know what I'll do if no one responds! Oh, I'm sooo lonely! Why doesn't anyone caaaaare?

Heh.

Comments

I caaaaaaare

[camry-1.livejournal.com]

Hey! I meandered over through the link you left on my LJ, and laughed so hard, I had to comment. Hello Matril, I see you, I hear you you still exist.;)

I used to read SW fanfic. After seeing Ep 2 AOTC, I frequented theforce.net, and it was my first experience in posting on forums, being part of fandom. My fandom really hinged on two things. First, I was trying to understand my own reaction to Anakin/Padme. I didn't enjoy the romance in the movie, but couldn't stop thinking about it. Second, I really enjoyed trying to speculate how George was going to connect the Prequel trilogy with the Original. I focused on things from 4,5,6 (she was beautiful but sad, your father was betrayed by Vader etc.) imagining how they would be set up in Ep 3. I read a lot of Padme/Anakin fic, and that's where I discovered FernWithy as a writer. Her writing always appealed to me because IMO she really keeps the characters in character. Did you ever post stories there? If so, under what name? I wonder if I read any?

[camry-1.livejournal.com]

Oh, also, I just read the fic you posted here in your LJ, and left a comment there. I liked it!

Re: I caaaaaaare

[matril.livejournal.com]

Hee. My desperate ploy for attention worked! ;)

My user name on theforce.net was Cindé of Naboo. I went through a phase of writing two or three fics at a time, eventually amounting to hundreds of pages. I've calmed down somewhat since then, though Episode III poked me into writing a few more (just about 100 pages worth...).

I did enjoy the romance in AOTC, but not so much in a gushy, oh-that's-so-sweet kind of way - more that I knew the sort of trouble they were headed for, and saw the signs of how their relationship would break apart, yet felt sympathy for them, because they were essentiallly good people but struggling with flaws that would eventually lead to tragedy. If that makes any sense...

One of my post-ROTS fics is a lengthy tome that basically views the Original Trilogy from Leia's perspective, through the lens of Episode III. I'm not sure if I'll ever post it because it's kind of unwieldy, but it was a sort of way of synthesizing the two trilogies for me.